Resolving

Last January I decided not to make any New Years resolutions.

(I prefer working toward self-betterment mid-year, or in March, when I'm least expecting it.)

But then I decided, if I were going to make resolutions in January, when the rest of the world is out and about resolving, I would include, but not limit myself to, the following:

1. Wash car at least three times during the year.

2. Find new and creative ways to flatten out the wrinkles in my pants without ever touching an iron.

3. I'm pretty certain a third pseudo resolution existed at one point, but I can't recall what it was.

I know this is why you're supposed to write your resolutions down--so you don't forget them. But considering the third forgotten resolution was not an actual resolution, but rather a would-be, what-if, wouldn't-it-be-fun resolution, it seems it would have been somewhat purportless to write it down. In fact, I think it's standard procedure to forget pseudo resolutions.

Anyway, in the brief bout between January and March, I was feeling pretty good about my fake resolutions that I hadn't actually resolved to carry out.

I had already washed my car once (one down, two to go).

I may have succumbed once or twice to the ironing board, but I can say with almost certainty that the iron wasn't a frequent friend in my life.

And I was probably well on my way toward accomplishing the third non-resolution, whatever it was.

But now, it's the end of another year.

And unless you count wiping the rain water off my car with a micro fiber towel as a wash, I don't think I quite made it to the big three, zero. (And when I say three, zero, I mean three plus zero. Because even in my News Years almost optimism, I didn't think 30 washes was a realistic goal.)

I haven't really discovered new ways to not iron my pants. At one point this year I saw a travel-size de-wrinkeler. I thought about buying it to 1) avoid wrinkly clothes while traveling and 2) accomplish my resolution that I won't admit was a resolution, but then I decided to buy new travel lotion and hand sanitizer instead. In conclusion, I don't think I can count seeing de-wrinkler as an accomplishment.

I guess I can't say for sure whether I have failed or succeeded at the third and final resolution. If my final non-resolution was to have a fun year, enjoy 2011 and turn 23, then I can mark it off as a success.

But, let's face it, I probably non-resolved to stop eating sugar. (This post was powered by Captain Crunch cereal.)

If these were real resolutions, I would comfort myself with optimistic phrases like, "there are still three weeks left in December", and "you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it".

Lucky for me though, I don't need my phony words of comfort.

All my real goals were set in March.

I still have three months to publish a book, train for a triathlon and fundraise for my irony awareness campaign.

I'll be just fine.