Aruthur Miller says "The best work that anybody ever writes is the work that is on the verge of embarrassing him, always." This is what I came up with.

One day, in the page behind my to-do list, I started writing a story.

Like Sally, I wrote, from that one movie I only watched half of*, I'm losing pieces of me as I go.

I promised myself once I wouldn't romanticize being broken. Because I want to be brave, and strong, and kind, and honest. And if I spend all my time setting myself up as a damsel in distress, I won't have any time to become the things I want to be.

I'd like to put myself back together. Sew seams that wouldn't rip. Put my head on straight and make it places prompt, classy and well dressed, I wrote.

Instead I'm showing up five minutes late with my hair wet and partially combed.

Someone called me silly today. Not in a mean way. Not even in a way that hurt my feelings.

Just in a way that made me think. Am I silly? Is that what I am? Is that what I want to be?

I'm not a broken human, I continued with my story.

Sometimes I can juggle tasks, and organize and keep the backseat of my car clean. 

I can. 

And on the busiest of days I can blow dry my hair and brush my teeth at the same time.

It's just that right now, I'm holding myself together. 

And sometimes I drop a limb. 

Sew it back on. 

Keep walking.

I think we try to define ourselves. We try to narrow ourselves down to a few adjectives. Because it would be easier if we could simplify ourselves to an acrostic.

Alec:
Amicable
Light-hearted
Entertaining
Courageous

What if I could always count on myself to be those things?

Then I wouldn't find myself wishing I would have spoken up when that boy told me he thought I was pretty.

And I wouldn't have to regret the thing I said, heard or didn't stand up against.

I wouldn't find myself running to work last minute. And the dishes piling up on my nightstand would disappear like they had been summoned by one of Mary Poppins' magic snaps.

I'm losing pieces of me as I go. 

But I'm going. 

I think I'm glad I'm more than a few words tied together by some acronym or another.

Because I get bored when things are always the same.

Monotone never suited me.

I'm glad I can surprise myself. Even if the surprise is that I'm silly.

There's good and bad in everything, I wrote behind the to-do list I would not make time to finish.

And the good part about me falling a little apart is I realize I'm not broken...

So I need to be easier on other people. 

Even if they get stuck resewing and resewing and resewing. 

I find myself working on the same things over and over and over.

Resewing and resewing and resewing.

I don't know why I get upset with other people for needing to resew their broken pieces too.

Maybe the next time I see someone falling apart. 

I'll remember how I fall sometimes too. 

When I make lists, not just about what I need to do today, but about what I want to do tomorrow, where I want to go, what I want to accomplish, who I want to be, I always add Africa.

When I'm brave I'll go to Africa.

Africa means one hundred different things to me.

Africa is telling someone you love them.

It's running away not because you want to but because deep inside your soul you know the only way to see the world is to run to it.

It's breaking habits that have kept you safe but not happy.

And it's learning to let yourself be a thousand different adjectives that move and change, appear and dissolve.

Sometimes I fall. 

I crack...

You can tell me don't panic about it. 

But that's like asking me to pick my arm off the ground and sew it back on. 

People will tell you there are a million things you need to be, have to be, ought to be.

Don't fall too hard for it. Everyone has a different Africa.

And like Jon Acuff says in the book I should probably re-read, "The starting line is the only line you're in control of."

I'm going to start.

Even if it means taking a couple of well-calculated risks.

Even if it means failing and restarting.

Even if it means resewing and resewing and resewing.

I'm going to start.

Because I want to see where this story goes.

OK, I wrote, in the pages behind my to-do list. I'll sew. But could you lend me some thread and maybe a needle? 





*The Nightmare Before Christmas

**Start