Today

On days like this one I just want to lie in the grass and watch the clouds.

But I don't.

Because I'm afraid someone will see me and call an ambulance.


Instead, I bring the dog home and get ready to face the laundry.

The dog says she will help. 

But I tell her not to worry. I have a plan to make laundry FUN!

I will turn my dirty clothing into an art masterpiece! Just like Queenie Liao did with her napping baby and a few well-placed sheets. 

Laundry won't get me down. 

It will sail me away into a world full of creativity, and adventure and probably wild things. 

Except. 

Well. 

I'm not sure I'm actually on the same--you know--material-placing, artistic caliber as Liao.

I mean. 

You can tell it's a mermaid, right?

Right? 

And then the dog gives me this look. She might as well just open her mouth and say it, "I wish I would have been sent home with a normal foster family." 

Sometimes I wish I was normal too, Honey Bunches. 

But it's not the wish I make on the stars, because it's not the one I want to come true. 

Today my wish is big and vague and stems from a google attention span that all connects but I don't have time to explain. 

So instead I'm just going to tell you that I think I tried to sell my creativity for perfection. 

I tried to sell anything I could to be perfect. 

Instead it made me small and scared to cross lines. 

I created a world that was black and white, and tried desperately to tip-toe in the white without ever touching gray. 

And now I'm trying to buy back my creativity by being brave enough to make mistakes. 

Because, I'm scared to say so, but I don't believe in the same black and white world I used to. 

I don't think God cares what we call Him. 

Allah. Jehovah. The Great I Am. 

I often call him Love. 

Because I feel closest to God when I love in a way that should be impossible. 

So today I'm trying to do that. 

And today I'm trying to buy back creativity with bravery. 

Not with laundry pieces. Because sometimes you have to leave things behind--let them go. And today, I'm letting laundry art go. 

And today I'm staring up at the sky, wishing I could lie down in the grass, and just watch for a while. 

There's so much color out there. 

Hardly any black or white at all.