Every Once in a While

Every once in a while,

I burn myself with a heated hair tool.

Like this morning. I burnt my ear with my curl stick.

And every once in a while,

I do something worse than that.

Like yesterday. I almost pulled half my eyelashes out.

Can I just say?

It's good to be back home.

I don't know if you've noticed or not, but lately my blog has been SO boring.

Like bang-my-head-on-a-table, my-writing-career-is-over boring.

And that is all because my life has been incredibly and offhandedly normal.

I have not had one panic attack yet. And it's the third week of school.

What is going on here?

I haven't called my mom crying.

I haven't passed out on my floor wearing jeans and tennis shoes.

I haven't even spent time in my closet banging my head against the wall for inspiration.

I'm not going to lie. I feel a little off balance.

But the good--or bad, depending on how you look at it--news is that the normalizing effects of sunny days and Argentina trips can't last forever.

I know, because I burnt my ear with my really hot curl stick this morning.

And as I walked out of my house on the way to school, the stinging sensation on the side of my head was almost calming.

The walls should come crashing down any minute now, I thought. And it was a relief.

Because without crashing walls and falling skies, it just so happens, I have no idea who I am.

And every time I do a homework assignment before 2 a.m. I feel like I am upsetting the natural balance of the universe a bit.

But I'll tell you what.

When I was sitting in front of the bathroom mirror yesterday, picking green pieces of eyebrow wax out of my eyelashes with a nail filer, I wasn't so sure about accepting crashing walls as normalcy.

And when I was thinking about how many pairs of fake eyelashes I would have to buy before the real ones grew back, I didn't feel good about falling skies at all.

And when I was pressing ice against the corner of my eyelash praying that the wax would come out without taking all my eyelashes with it, I thought maybe offsetting the balance of the universe wasn't such a bad idea after all.

So, it just so happens, I am considering possibly reconstructing my view of myself.

Just a little.

Just enough so that the new me won't need crashing walls and falling skies to recognize myself.

But not so much so that I never have another eyelash fall out again. I need those fallen lashes for wishes.

Every once in while.

And not so much that I can't appreciate a stinging ear, burned from a curling iron.

Every once in a while.