If you like Pina Coladas

So the other afternoon, I'm in the bathroom, trying to find an inventive way to tie my hair in a bun on the very top of my head without causing a headache, when my sister calls me from the living room.

"Hey Alec," she says, "Would you say your looks are average, above average, good or stunning?"

I know there is only one proper way to answer her question.

I walk out of the bathroom. Then I stare at her with a look only a girl who has just been asked to define her attractiveness while sporting a head muffin can give.

She, my sister, is sitting on the couch giggling at her computer screen. I, in the meantime, am still staring at her, failing to ask the obvious question: Why isn't there an option below average?

She checks a box, and we move on to question number two.

"How many children do you have?"

"Two," I say.

"How many do you live with?"

"One." Obviously.

"How romantic are you?"

"Not very, but I love to cook."

By the end of this conversation, we have created an online dating profile that can only be described as "fascinating and sure to be wildly successful."

Seriously, if someone were to write a review of my dating profile, I'm pretty sure those would be the exact words they would pen.

Long story short, by 4pm yesterday afternoon I was a STUNNING Russian lady from St. Petersburg with two children (this was especially impressive given my young age--21). I enjoyed singing in Broadway musicals, collecting snakes as pets and practicing potions. I preferred not to read.

My sister and I spent a few minutes perusing the potential online candidates before deleting Stella forever. I miss her already.

There are a few key take away points that I hope you get from this story.

1. There is a reason people sometimes quit blogging. And it is usually because they are busy creating alter egos and aliases and doing equally cool things.

It is not because they are busy eating bowls of cereal and are afraid of typing whilst eating because of the looming danger of spilt milk.

2. If ever your life becomes dull, you should resort to lying to poor souls who are just looking for life companions. Being Stella from St. Petersburg will do loads for your self esteem and overall happiness.

3. You should always remain leery about the information available on the internet. Be careful. Your Russian lady with stunning looks, two children and a Broadway musical career could, in all actuality, be a girl with muffin hair, a dog and a Justin Bieber song stuck in her head.

Just saying.

4. If your sister decides to sign you up for a dating site, on a Sunday afternoon, under the pretense that she has nothing better to do...

It may be time for you to Get. A. Life.

And a lover.

So...

If you like Piña Coladas.

And getting caught in the rain...

Just kidding.

I don't even like Piña Coladas.