All Because I Got On That Bus

You know what I am going to miss most about this city?

Random strangers in the street telling me they love me. 

Well, that and the bread stores where I can get a deep fried churro filled with dulce de leche for less than 50 cents. Thank goodness I didn't find out how to work the pastry stores until this last week. Don't worry, I will be making a stop to one of these corner shops every day to make up for lost time. 

So today I went to La Boca. 

And I rode the bus there. And it was not as scary/hard to navigate as I had anticipated. 

La Boca reminded me of Tombstone, oddly--a bright colored, Spanish languaged, Tombstone. I felt like I should ask them if there was a health center anywhere in town. 

But today, I was not the reporter. I was the tourist, the blond, little tourist, wandering the three, cobblestone streets all alone. 

And I was an easy target for fliers.

"Hello, where are you from?"

"Los Estados Unidos."

"Hablas Español?"

"Sí."

"You want to come to my restaurant?"

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Maybe later?"

"Sí, tal vez, mas luego."

"I will be waiting for you. Eres muy linda."

"Oh, muchas gracías, adios."

Five steps and two seconds later.

"Hola, de donde eres?"

"Los Estados Unidos."

"You want to come to my restaurant?"

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Okay, you are very beautiful. I love you. Un beso?"

"Sure, why not." Makes sure kiss is on the cheek. "Gracias."

And repeat.

But don't you worry. When they asked me if I was traveling alone, I said, "Oh No. Definitely not. I would never do something so stupid in this part of town where there are apparently many muggings." Pause to think of the rest of the lie. Pretend it's an inability to speak Spanish. "My friends are coming to meet me here later."

"Oh, how many? I'll save a spot for them all."

Make funny face at the man, because the friends are imaginary. And therefore do not even need seats at the table.

"No sé," I say, trying to rapidly think of an explanation for my lack of knowledge about how many people are in my group. Instead, I just stare at the man blankly, hoping his question will go away.

"Eight to ten?"

"Ya, that's about right."

The lie got more and more awkward as I kept walking down that street (incidentally, there was no where else to go, and I just rode the bus an hour to get there), and I was always walking alone. No friends with me. 

And then one of the restaurant owners stopped me, clearly concerned for my safety. 

"You are very nice, but you don't have to talk to everyone."

"Oh I know."

"It's just, some places are not safe."

"Okay, thank you."

"Would you like me to buy you a bottle of wine and we can talk an hour in English and an hour in Spanish? We can both practice our languages."

Yes, I would like to do that, in fact. Minus the wine. Perhaps a bottle of Sprite, instead?

WAIT. What did we learn from Taken? Stay away from smooth talking foreign guys. Do not drink a bottle of wine with smooth talking foreign guys. 

"Here is my business card. I do tours and rent out housing to English students."

Ya, that's a little sketchy.

"Can I have a picture for my facebook?"

"SURE!" And I'll get back to you about the Spanish lesson over a glass of wine. I have a swine flu headache that is clearly impairing my thinking. 

(Speaking of which, is that also a lesson from Taken? I didn't watch it. So should I not be taking pictures with strangers in the streets? Because I let a man from Ecuador take his picture with me. It made me feel like a celebrity, and, incidentally, I have a problem saying no to pseudo fame.)

"Okay, keep walking and then come back to my restaurant," says the smooth talking foreign boy. "I'll be waiting for you."

"Okay. Chau."

And then I went and got on the bus home. Because I was late. And because I had already promised 50 people that I would eat in their restaurant. And they were all waiting for me. And I could think of no other option than to get on the bus and drive away. 

And I feel a little bad for ditching all those people. 

Especially after they told me they loved me, and said they would marry me. 

I'm really sorry smooth talking foreign boy. I wanted to go to your restaurant. And I wanted to eat an empanada there. And I wanted you to teach me a few steps of the Tango, even though I am terribly uncoordinated. 

We'll always have La Boca, though. We'll always have La Boca.