I Know I Talk Often About How I Hate School

Today I spent time on a ranch.

Ironically.

Anyhow, it didn't sway me in either direction.

I am still entirely indecisive about whether the farm life would work for me. That is, I am still waiting to see if the universe is going to supply a cow milker under 30 with an 8-pack. (Did I forget to mention that part yesterday--the 8-pack? Weird. Must have slipped my mind.)

Then, I went to take a picture of a river.

This was all for a school assignment by the way.

A school assignment that I was sort of dreading, but ended up being a breath of fresh air.

And I mean that literally.

Because I needed to breathe in some air different from the three week old, apple scented air, circulating around in my room.

The only problem is, fresh air tends to be out of cell phone range.

And I kept picturing myself getting lost, kidnapped or left in the desert, with nothing but a broken cell phone and my innate sense of direction.

And it just so happens, my innate sense of direction would lead me South, even if I had a perfectly fine compass pointing North.

And still, I couldn't help being excited by the idea of a little wilderness survival exercise.

This is a part of my psyche that no amount of therapy will help me understand.

Because, at the same time, I kept praying that I wouldn't so much as get stung by a bee while I was outside, not protected by metal or sheetrock.

By the time I got to the river, the sun was going down and I had pretty much convinced myself that I was going to spend the night in the woods.

Since I was alone and well out of cellphone range, I thought for sure I was going to get lost and have to spend the night by the river.

I packed a water bottle just in case.

And then I walked on the marked trail toward the river.

But it didn't take me there. And I was getting impatient. After all, I was losing my sunlight. And, when it comes down to it, a picture of the dark isn't very useful.

So I came up with a new plan.

I drove my car over the bridge, parked in a pull out, and crossed the barbed wire down to the river.

I wasn't sure if it was technically legal.

But I had a picture to take. And about 5 minutes of sun. And the patience of a hungry cow.

That's when I remembered the permission/forgiveness quote, took out my camera, and carefully crossed the barbed wire fence.

After I took a few photos, I heard a sound on the hill above my head.

I wasn't sure if it was a mountain lion. Or a deer.

I just knew there was rustling down by the river, and I figured that was my no-cell-phone-service cue to go.

So I stepped through the muddy river, hiked back up the mountain, and crawled over the fence.

Sure enough, as I went to find my car, the border patrol car pulled into my personal parking spot on the side of the road.

I was a mess.

I was panting, due to the fact that climbing up that mountain--I mean hill--is the most exercise I have done in a semester.

My shoes were covered in mud from the river bank.

I had my camera bag slung around my neck so it would be out of the way. Half my hair stuck out frazzled from under the sling because I forgot to pull it out.

And I had just barely stopped talking loudly, out loud, to myself to make sure the mountain lion deer animal wouldn't chase me.

Ask for forgiveness. Plead innocence. Don't let him take you to Mexico.

See. Survival skills. I have them.

"Hello," I said smiling, as he rolled down his window.

He got out of the car.

"Are you just taking pictures?" He smiled back.

Phew. "Yep."

"Do you go to school here?"

Double phew. You're definitely not in trouble. "U of A." More smiling.

"Cool. I just saw the car. This is a big drop off spot."

"Ya, I'm not definitely not dropping anyone off."

"Okay. You're allowed to be here. Just, if other people show up, you should probably leave."

"Okay. I'm leaving anyway. It's getting dark." Besides, there's a killer mountain lion deer animal back there. "Thank you."

And that was that.

No wilderness survival night.

No shelters made out of pine needles and sticks.

Not even a surprise trip to Mexico.

For now, I'm just going to consider myself lucky that tonight my biggest challenge is figuring how to stay warm under three blankets and a fleece jacket.

But next time I go to take pictures of a river, I'm going to try to get a few of the mountain lion deer animal, too.

Unless of course the animal is less on the deer side and more on the mountain lion side.

In which case I will run. I will jump (over the fence). I will fly (into my car). I will accelerate (down the street). And I will cry.

If that happens, I will hate school again.

But right now, just for today, I guess, I sort of like it.