I'm a Granola Wanna-Be

It's 11:30 at night.

I am standing in the kitchen, trying to rinse out a pan, feeling grateful for people who go to sleep early.

This may be the worst idea I have ever had. Which says something. After all, I am the girl who thought it would be a good idea to try waterless slip 'n slide with a trashed-up tarp and some baby oil.

I am hoping that my incessant, albeit accidental, banging of the dishes doesn't inspire anyone to walk out of their bedroom.

Because, well, they might want me to be quiet.

And after they ask me to PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT, they might want to know why I have pieces of carrot all over my face.

In response I would shrug my shoulders, do a quick glance from the floor to the ceiling, and say, "Worst idea ever?"

Yes. That's a question, not a statement. I am still trying to decide if dipping my hand in a bucket of white paint at Youth Conference or putting chopped up carrots all over my face was the worse idea.

Why did I decide to put mashed up carrots all over my face?

Because I had two slices of cucumbers... DUH.

I knew about 15 seconds in that this was going to be a bad idea. But I was already committed. And if there's one thing about myself that I'm proud of, it's that I'm not a quitter.

Even when I should be.

There's one more factoid you need to know about me to understand how I ended up standing in the kitchen at close to midnight with orange chunks all over my face.

I pretty much think any problem can be solved with a homemade remedy, some organic fruit and the occasional bottle of vanilla coke.

This one fits into the homemade remedy category.

Problem: No relaxing facial to go with my Princess-Diaries-Inspired cucumber eye patches.

Solution: Carrot and Honey face mask.

(At least I didn't try the yogurt, strawberry, something-about-oatmeal, mask. Now that could have been embarrassing.)

Here's the thing about my organic, granola, bohemian, slightly hippie lifestyle:

I'm only in it half way.

Like, if the organic bananas cost the same as the pesticide-infused ones, then I'll buy organic. If natural costs me 15 cents more, I'm out.

And I'd like to go green and save the planet, except I really need to wash my hands 58 times a day. That can't be compromised.

Oh, and yoga. I love yoga.

For 10 minutes.

Every other day.

And so when the internet told me to cook the carrots and put some honey in, that's exactly what I did.

Did I wash the carrots?

No.

Did I pull out a pot that was actually big enough to properly cook them in?

No.

Did I in any way try to measure the correct proportion of honey to put in with the partially mashed, but still pretty chunky carrots?

That would be a no.

But did I still stick that mess all over my face anyway?

I sure did.

And then I walked out in the kitchen and thought, Dude, I am weird.

But I'm not a quitter.

And then:

Maybe the recipe said the prep time was 2 hours because carrots take a long time to cook.

Oh well, I'm sure 12 minutes was more than enough.

And finally:

These cucumbers feel nice on my eyes.

I wish I didn't have chunks of carrots on my face. They're kind of ruining this moment for me.