Sometimes

This morning I woke up, and I said to myself "Alec, it's time for you to take control of your life."

By the time I was done brushing my teeth, I was ready to take on the world and clean my room, in that order.

So I marched confidently toward the kitchen to blend up some frozen strawberries and put them in some Greek yogurt, which I would controledly take to work and eat for lunch.

But then my plan was interrupted.

By a scorpion.

That just happened to be sitting in the very spot I was going to put my foot while I blended the aforementioned strawberries-- under the stove.

So I yelled at the scorpion.

Then I went to go get a shoe to kill the scorpion.

Because I like to blend strawberries barefoot.

And I like to use shoes, or nearby boys, to kill scorpions.

While I was on my way to find a shoe that I would never need to wear again (I hate wearing shoes with scorpion guts on them), I found a pee puddle.

I'm pretty sure one of the dogs saw the scorpion, got scared, and peed his pants, or rather lack thereof.

It doesn't really matter how it happened. One of the dogs peed on the floor.

So I yelled at the dogs.

And they looked at me expectantly. Like it was possible, at any minute, I might turn this attitude around and decide to take them for a walk.

I love dogs. They always expect the best out of you.

Except when you're carrying a towel and a shampoo bottle.

They may be optimistic, but they're not stupid.

So ANYWAY...

I stepped around the pee.

Got a shoe, which I've been meaning to wash because I spilt steaming hot liquid on it five weeks ago.

Found the scorpion.

Squashed it.

Felt bad for hurting it.

Squashed it again.

Cleaned up it's remains with 75 sheets of toilet paper and three paper towels.

Got a regular, old, blue towel.

Put the scorpion shoe in the laundry room, where it now awaits its fate. (Trash can or washing machine? Only time will tell.)

Cleaned up the dog pee.

Decided to put on some shoes and work pants, not in that order.

And walked out the door without any yogurt or blended strawberries.

And that's when I realized.

Sometimes, life takes control of you.

Sometimes, in eighth grade, you make a five-year plan that includes a husband and at least one child.

Then sometimes you turn 18 and think, "Dang. What was my eighth-grade self expecting? Sixteen and pregnant?"

And sometimes you decide to take control of your life.

And you decide step one is blending up frozen strawberries and putting them in yogurt that tastes like sour cream because this is saving money and eating healthy.

And sometimes, instead of taking control of your life, you just end up happy that you didn't get stung by a scorpion that likes to sit under the stove.

And sometimes, when it comes right down to it, you're just glad you didn't have to eat yogurt and blended strawberries for lunch.